you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
