Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
