apparently the secret to your success is patron
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
