i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
