2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
