You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
