i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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