you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
