My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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