Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
