Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
