if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
