get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
