I hate your face
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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