he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
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It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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