So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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