I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
