You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fuck appropriateness.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
