she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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