Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
