I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
