I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
