I feel great
I just peed on a car
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
