I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
