no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
