Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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