there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
