I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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