Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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