dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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