He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
