Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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