That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
