this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
