And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
