i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
