So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
