Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
