dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
