When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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