We're like a lot better than the average bears
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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