I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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