i permit you to call me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
