If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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