girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
