Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want nice things and good sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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