is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
