Can i not drive my cunt home
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
