I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He shit in the fireplace
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
