Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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