She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
