i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
