Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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