at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
