I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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