she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His nipple licking is glorious
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