I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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