I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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