If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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