Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
