he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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