Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
