worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
