we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
