So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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