May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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