Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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