he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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