mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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