batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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