I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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