ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize