you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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