he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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