Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
