Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
