I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
