so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who died my cat blue again?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
